So I have been pretty lax overall in my Yiddishkeit for a while now, and it’s both an issue — and it’s not. I light Shabbat candles, I usually have a nicer than usual dinner and maybe a piece of grocery store cake for dessert, and some soda in the house for the weekend. But I don’t sing the songs, or make the blessings over grape juice and challah, or say the after meal blessing either. I no longer tune into services at my old shul — I don’t like the new rabbi and how he does things.
I found this channel on Youtube by a Sephardi Canadian woman who is a doctor, wife, and mother of three, who still has time to run an orthodox home and make and edit videos. I watched a couple of videos of hers Thursday and Friday, and cleaned my kitchen and living room up for the first time in ages specifically for Shabbat. I bought flowers and Challah, (turns out daisies are bad for cats so they are cheering up the bathroom) and made it home just in time to start Shabbat.
Is it to my old standards? No. But it doesn’t have to be either. I have been struggling with not being as “good” as I used to be about things and I’m tired of feeling guilt about it — so I’m not anymore. Anything I do is more than I was doing before, so it’s fine.
I also had something ridiculous happen over the end of the semester — I got a B in algebra. I don’t know how, because I added up the points according to the syllabus and I got a D, but on my transcript it says B so I will take it and run. I take stats next semester as my only class, and graduate in December.
So yeah, random religious upswing which could be fine — or it could be psychosis — only time will tell. I did have my crazy shot so I should be good for 3 months, but the brain is a weird place.